


The Strange Vulcan

by IvanW



Series: Sad Endings [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, ConfusedandLostSpock, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Sex, LonelyKirk, M/M, Memory Loss, Riverside, Sexual Tension, Thanks to the Twilight Zone, Time Travel, Warped Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 08:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5199305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock wakes up in Riverside in the 21st Century and meets an enigmatic man named, James Kirk.<br/>It is all familiar, yet confusing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Hello?”

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Spock opened his eyes and stared into the bluest eyes he had ever seen. They were familiar, somehow, and yet…elusive.

“Hi. Do you understand me?”

Spock searched his mind for the blue-eyed man’s language. It was not standard exactly. It was…English.

“Yes, I understand you.”

The man, blond and very good-looking, smiled. “That’s a relief. Did you hit your head?”

Spock blinked. “I am uncertain. Where am I?”

“Where are you? That can’t be good. You’re in my field. In Riverside, Iowa. Let me help you sit up.”

Spock felt a little dizzy as the man helped him to straighten up off the ground. He took in his surroundings. A field as far as he could see in one direction, and in the other, a house.

“That’s my house. I’m Jim. Well, James Kirk. Do you know who you are?”

“I am Spock.”

“Spock? Nothing else?”

Spock hesitated. “No.”

“So, like Cher, huh?” Jim grinned. “Or Bono.”

Spock had no idea who Jim referred to but he chose not to reply.

“You have kind of weird ears.”

Spock stiffened. “Weird how?”

Jim shrugged. “Well, they’re kind of pointy. Like an elf.” Jim smiled. This man smiled a lot and Spock knew why. It was a very pleasing smile. “Are you an elf, Spock?”

“I am not.”

“Well, it’s cool anyway. Can you stand?”

Spock nodded. “I believe so.”

Jim rose and reached down to help Spock up. There was a spark when they touched, at least Spock noticed, but Jim did not react. “You aren’t dressed very warmly. Are you cold?”

Spock realized he was. “Yes.”

“You can come inside the farmhouse if you want. I have coffee and tea. Do you think you need to go to the hospital?”

Spock had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there, but he replied, “I do not think so.”

“Are you in Riverside with anyone?”

“Negative.”

Jim gave him a puzzled look. “Where are you staying?”

“Nowhere.”

“Nowhere?” Jim shook his head. “You’d better come in with me. You aren’t dangerous, are you? Are you going to murder me?” He laughed like it was no big deal, but there was a touch of nervousness there. And Spock did not like it. He did not want to distress this man.

“I will not murder you. I have no weapons.”

Jim bit his lip and nodded. “Well. Come in then. It’ll be warmer.”

Spock followed the man toward his house. The man, Jim, wore jeans and a flannel shirt. His blond hair was slightly windblown and his cheeks red from the cold. He was very appealing.

Jim let them into his house and then went right to the kitchen. The house was large. The kitchen had many cabinets, appliances Spock was not familiar with, and a counter separate from the rest in the middle of the kitchen. There was also a living room with a fire place and a dining room. And stairs leading up to what Spock guessed was the second floor.

“How do you take your coffee?” Jim was asking him.

“I do not recall ever having it.”

“Memory problems? Are you sure you shouldn’t go to the hospital? There’s not one close. I’d have to get you to Iowa City. But I can.”

“I do not need a hospital.”

“Well. Tea? Do you prefer tea?”

Spock thought about it. “Perhaps.”

Jim smiled. “I’ll make that for you then. If you need a place to stay for a few days I can probably put you up.”

“That would be very kind of you.”

“I have a shotgun though so don’t try anything.”

“I will not. I do not intend to harm you, James Kirk.”

“Good. You’re too cute to have to shoot.” Jim handed him a mug with tea in it. “This is just plain old Lipton’s. I don’t have anything fancy.”

“I do not need fancy.” It was odd trying to remember to speak to Jim in English. Spock had studied ancient languages before. He remembered that. And that he was Vulcan. And that he should not be here. He came from somewhere else. But where? And why was this man so familiar?

“You don’t have any other clothes? I don’t see a suitcase or anything.”

“I do not have any.”

Jim eyed him. “Well. You can borrow some of mine but I’m not sure we’re the same size. You’re a little taller, not much but an inch or so, and you’re thinner.”

“I will manage with whatever you can provide me,” Spock replied.

Jim smiled. “You look good in blue. But what’s that symbol on your shirt? Is that like a designer brand?”

Spock did not know. And he was afraid if he admitted this to Jim, the man would insist he go to the hospital. For some reason, Spock knew that would be a mistake. “Yes, it is a designer brand.”

“Yeah? Who?”

“Starfleet,” Spock replied. He did not know how he knew that, but he did.      

Jim tilted his head. “Huh. Never heard of them. Is that a division of Ralph Lauren?”

Spock sipped his tea. “I do not believe so.”


	2. Shopping

Jim poured cream in his coffee and then picked up the mug, holding it in both hands. He smiled at the strange man named, Spock. Weird name. But he had to admit the guy was super cute.

“Are you hungry?”

Spock seemed to consider the question with a great deal of thought. “I believe that I am.”

Jim wondered if English was Spock’s first language. He spoke very formally. “Okay. Well, great. I was going to have a big fat cheeseburger so I’ll just make two.”

Spock shook his head.

“No? You don’t like cheeseburgers?”

“I do not…eat meat.” It was almost a question, Jim realized.

“Oh. Um. Are you sure you don’t need medical attention?”

“Because I do not eat meat?”

Jim laughed. “No, no. Just. I’m just. Well, sure, that’s a little weird to me. But no. We do have an urgent care place here. I know the doc. Bones.”

Spock blinked rapidly. “I—”

“Spock? What is it?”

“I do not know. The name…”

“You know Bones?”

“I am uncertain.”

“Now we have to go see him. But tomorrow unless you really think you need to see him. Because right now? We’re going to have to go to the grocery store.”

“Grocery store? You do not have a synthesizer?”

“A what? Is that a musical instrument?”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “It is not.”

“Well, anyway I’m not much of a vegetable eater. If I’m going to feed you we’re going to need a few things.” Jim eyed him. “I’m guessing you don’t have any money.”

“I do not.”

“Really down on your luck, huh?” Jim shook his head when Spock just stared.

“If we’re going to get food, we’d better go. It’s Sunday and the store closes at seven.” Jim walked out of the kitchen and over to closet. He removed two coats, one of which he handed to Spock. “Hmm.”

“What is it, Jim?”

“Your ears. Look, they’re fine to me. But some people in town might stare or give you funny looks.” Jim sighed. “Hang on.” He went back into the closet and found two beanies. “Put this on.”

Spock raised one eyebrow. It was kind of cute. Okay, it was super cute. He pulled on the beanie, covering his ears.

Jim grinned and put on the other beanie. “Let’s go.”

****

“What is this?” Spock asked as Jim led him out to his pickup truck.

“A Ford F-150,” Jim replied cheerfully as he patted the white truck. “Gorgeous, huh? Bought and paid for, too. Get in.”

Spock gave him an odd look but opened the passenger door and got into Jim’s truck. Jim got in, too, and started it up.

“Anyway, her name is Betsy.”

“Betsy?”

“The truck. I named her.”

“I…see.”

Jim shot him a glance as he headed for the grocery store. “You’ve never named your vehicles?”

“No.” Spock paused. “Enterprise.”

“Enterprise? That’s a weird name for a car.” Jim laughed. “Well, okay. Whatever floats your boat.”

“Floats your boat?”

“You really aren’t from around here, are you?”

“I am not,” Spock agreed. “Is this the usual way of operating a vehicle of this nature?”

“Pretty much.”

Jim pulled into the parking lot of the store. “All right, let’s pick up some vegies.”

They walked in and a few customers greeted Jim, and while they looked at Spock, they didn’t ask any questions. Jim was glad. Some of them could talk a lot.

“Jim?” Spock asked as they went to the produce department.

“Yeah?”

“What do you do? Everyone seems to know you.”

“Oh. Sure. I’m a mechanic. I fix their cars.” Jim watched as Spock chose several vegetables. “You know how to cook all that?”

“I am certain we can figure it out between the two of us.”

Jim laughed. “Okay yeah. I need more coffee. And if you drink a lot of tea, we’ll need that. Oh, do you want some hot chocolate? That’s good on cold nights.”

“I do not recall ever having it.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “What? Never? Oh, God, we are so getting some. You’ll love it. Marshmallows and all.” He grabbed Spock’s arm and pulled him away from produce.


	3. The Cherished Laugh

Spock took a second sip of the hot chocolate Jim had fixed for him when they had returned to the farmhouse. It was piled high with what Jim had told him were mini marshmallows. Spock held the box and read it.

“The box is right, Jim. It does, indeed, have a delightful chocolate flavor.”

Jim grinned. “Glad you like it. I still can’t believe you’ve never had it before.”

“I would remember this if I had ever tried it,” Spock assured him. “The marshmallows are quite delicious as well.”

“And warms you right up, yeah?”

Spock nodded. He felt quite warm all over. In fact, he really wanted to remove his shirt. Shirts. Why did he wear two shirts anyway? Jim did not wear two. “Yes, quite warm.” He took another sip. He felt a little dizzy and so he sat in the dining room chair he stood closest to.

“Are you okay, Spock?” Jim asked, coming closer. Which was fine with Spock. He liked Jim. A lot. There was something so…familiar, so safe about Jim. And he smelled very good. Very good.

“Why do you ask?”

“You’re flushed.” Jim paused. “Green. That’s weird. I’ve heard about turning green when you weren’t feeling well but I’ve never actually seen anyone do it. Are you going to puke?”

“Puke?”

“Up your guts.”

Jim was also very confusing sometimes.

“I believe my guts intend to stay where they are, Jim.” Spock tugged at the collars of his shirt. “I would very much like to remove my clothes though.”

“Huh?”

“It is quite hot.” Spock lifted both his undershirt, and the blue shirt over it, off and over his head. He tossed them across the room with a flourish he was proud of. “That is better.”

“Um. Okay.” Jim frowned. “So listen, my room is downstairs on the other side of the stairs there, but I’ll set up one of the guest rooms for you to stay in upstairs. There was once a bunch of us living here, but my brother and his family left a while ago, and both of my parents have passed on. For a while my girlfriend and boy lived here, but that didn’t work out.”

Spock was trying to keep up with Jim’s words, but it was not easy. “Boy?"

“My son David. He’s three now. Anyway, Carol left when he was only a couple of months old. I haven’t seen him since. I pay child support though,” Jim said with a sigh.

“Carol?” That name sounded so familiar but it was not a pleasant familiarity.

“Yeah, Carol Marcus. I met her when I spent some months living in San Francisco. Like I said, though, it didn’t work out. She went back there and here I am.” Jim shook his head. “Her dad’s some military guy. A real asshole.”

Marcus. Where did he know that from?

Jim was staring at Spock now, his chest, his arms. His head was tilted. “You know, it’s weird. There’s like no pink pigmentation to your skin at all.”

Spock took another sip of the hot chocolate.

Jim smiled. “You really like that, huh?”

“It gives me a funny head.”

“Yeah?” Jim frowned and crouched down in front of Spock. He really was a beautiful man, Spock thought. Very beautiful. He could get lost in those eyes, that mouth. And he could not shake the feeling that indeed he had. “I didn’t even put any peppermint schnapps in it.”

“Peppermint schnapps?”

“Yeah, you know, liqueur. It’s good that way sometimes. Do you drink at all, Spock?”

“Negative. We do not indulge.”

Jim gave him a quizzical look. “Who is we?”

Spock frowned. “I do not know.”

Jim reached over and patted Spock’s hand. It sent a tingle all the way up Spock’s hand, which was quite enjoyable. But once more Jim did not react. “Bones might be able to help you with your memory loss. You had to have hit your head.”

“I do not need a doctor,” Spock replied. Seeing a doctor would not be wise. Spock knew this. There was…he was different. They would discover this. He could not allow this.

“Bones is a friend too. Don’t worry, Spock. Bones wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“A fly?”

“Yeah. You know. An insect.” Jim shook his head. “You don’t look so good.” He stood and took the cup of hot chocolate away. “I think that’s enough of that. Are you allergic?”

Spock could not think clearly. The room was moving a little and he was fairly certain he saw two Jim’s. “Yes. I am.”

“Well, fuck, Spock, why didn’t you tell me? Geez. No more of that for you.”

“But it tasted good,” Spock protested.

“Don’t you know most stuff that tastes good is horrible for you?” Jim laughed. Spock loved that laugh. It warmed him to his toes. And he knew…somehow…he had known that laugh before. And cherished it.


	4. So Familiar

Jim had walked into the living room with his cell phone, leaving Spock in the kitchen, now safely sipping tea.

“Jim, are you out of your mind?” Bones yelled at him through the phone. “You don’t just take in strangers.”

“What was I supposed to do, Bones? He was just lying in my field.”

“Call the authorities like normal people.”

“I don’t think he’s dangerous or anything. He’s really nice if a little odd.”

“Jim, Norman Bates had the ability to seem really nice, too.”

Jim chuckled. “He’s not psycho.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, I don’t technically know. But I don’t think he is. He’s just down on his luck. Plus I think he hit his head or something.”

“You should have taken him to the hospital and let them deal with him.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. There’s just something about him. And he’s cute, too.”

“Stop thinking with your dick, Jim.” Bones snorted.

"I'm not. I'm not-you know. Into that."

“He could knock you out and cook you and eat you for breakfast and you’d never know it.”

“Will you listen to yourself, Bones? First, if I didn’t know about it, why would I care, and second, he doesn’t eat meat.”

“Oh, you’re hilarious.”

“Listen, he had a weird reaction to chocolate. Not like any rash or swelling, but, I don’t know, almost like he was intoxicated or something. Ever hear of an allergy like that?”

“No. Well. Maybe. Anyway, they have homeless missions for guys who are down on their luck. Send him there.”

“Bones—”

Bones sighed. “You aren’t going to listen to a word I say as usual. Maybe I should come over.”

“Nah, I told him I’d take him to see you tomorrow at Urgent Care.”

“You could be dead by then.”

“Then we won’t be by tomorrow,” Jim said cheerfully. “Goodnight, Bones. Give Joanna a kiss from her Uncle Jim, will ya?” He ended his call and returned to the kitchen. “Feeling better?”

“Yes.”

“No longer queasy?”

“Only slightly.”

Jim nodded. “I’m going to go ahead and make my hamburger. You want your vegetables?”

“Not at present.”

“And it won’t bug you if I make my food?”

Spock gave new meaning to looking puzzled. “Bug?”

“Sorry. Um. English isn’t your first language, is it?”

“It is not,” Spock admitted. He was holding the tea cup very rigidly. He looked unexpectedly fragile.

Jim went to the chair next to Spock and sat down. “Hey. Are you all right? Am I asking too many questions?”

“Negative,” Spock said softly. “Do you know where I put my shirts? I find I am no longer too warm.”

“Oh. Sure. Of course. Hang on.” Jim stood and placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder, squeezing gently. Spock seemed to lean into the touch. Jim released him and then went to find Spock’s shirts. When he crouched down to retrieve them, he noticed chocolate on the front of the blue shirt.

With a shake of his head, Jim went to the room where he kept his washer and dryer and put Spock’s shirts in the washer after spraying stain remover on the chocolate. Then he went to his own bedroom and retrieved a shirt for Spock to wear.

Spock was still clutching his tea when Jim returned.

“Still with me?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Your shirts are in the laundry. You got chocolate on them. I brought you one of mine.”

Spock nodded and pulled the shirt on. He buttoned it up and then looked at Jim with a soft expression in his brown eyes. “It smells like you.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah? How do you know what I smell like?”

“I just do.”

Jim didn’t know what to say about that. He was thinking more and more that maybe Bones had been right and Spock and his problems were more than he could handle.  But Jim liked to help people and Spock needed help.

“You need more tea, Spock?” he asked gently.

“Please.”

Jim took the cup from Spock’s hands and went to fill the electric teakettle with more water. While he waited for it to boil, he took out the hamburger meat and cheese for his dinner.

“Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Jim shrugged. “I’m nice to everyone, I guess.”

The teakettle clicked that it was done and Jim made Spock more tea. Then he formed his burger and put it in a pan to fry up.

“Plus…I don’t know. There’s something about you.” Jim sighed. He sounded as crazy as Spock probably was.

Spock had risen from the table and came to stand near Jim in the kitchen. “Do I seem familiar to you, Jim?”

Jim turned to look at Spock who was staring very intently at him. “Um. Not-not exactly, but—” There was a shooting pain in his head. He dropped the spatula on the stove and backed away, grabbing his head. “Fuck. Ow.”

Spock grabbed him. “Jim? Jim, are you all right?”

Jim gasped as the pain subsided. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” Spock was looking very concerned, so Jim forced a smile. “I just had a pain in my head. It’s okay now. I’m fine. It’s gone.”

“You are certain?”

“Yeah. It’s gone. Thanks, Spock.”

Spock slowly released him. “Perhaps it is you who should sit down. I could finish making your dinner?”

“Do you know how to cook? And would you even want to? It’s meat.”

“I am certain I can figure this out. It must work logically.”

Jim grinned then. “Logically, huh? I’m good. But maybe we can start fixing your vegies too? Are you feeling better?”

Spock nodded. “That would be agreeable.”    

Jim licked his lips. “By the way. You look really nice in my shirt.”

“It is very warm.”

“And smells of me.”

“Indeed.”

Jim felt his heart flutter. Spock was cute. Too cute. Not that he noticed or anything. “All right. Let’s get this dinner on the road.” He laughed at Spock’s confused expression. “Never mind. Let’s just get started.”


	5. A Scientist

Spock knew staring was not considered polite and yet he found it difficult not to stare at the blond haired blue-eyed man sitting across from him at a dining table. Jim was holding his cheeseburger in one hand while stabbing fries into ketchup with the other. He had a tendency to wave the burger around as he spoke as well as talk with his mouth full, which Spock should have thought was repelling, but instead he could not look away.

“So, tomorrow, I gotta get up pretty early. I’m opening the shop up at seven.”

“The shop?”

“Remember I told you I was a mechanic? I’ve got my shop set up in my barn garage. I’ve got some appointments in the morning, so once those are done, we’ll go into town to see Bones, have him check you out.”

“I do not need a doctor.”

“I’d feel better if we got you checked. If you want, while we’re out we can grab some lunch.”

Spock hesitated. He could not be checked by Jim’s doctor friend but he was not sure how to get out of it at present. “Very well.”

Jim smiled. “How are your vegetables?”

“Satisfactory. Would you like to taste them?”

Jim shook his head. “Nah. I’m glad you like them though.” Jim finished off his food, sucking on the fingers of the hand that held his cheeseburger and then got up from the table to go to the kitchen sink. “Want to watch some TV now?”

“TV?”

“Television?”

“Ah.” Spock nodded. “I believe I understand.”

Jim gave him an odd look but it was friendly. “Well, come on. It’s in the living room.”

Spock followed Jim into the living room area where he had a large flat viewing screen above the fireplace. Jim flung himself onto the couch and grabbed a little square device which he pressed and the view screen powered on. Spock sat in the chair in the room that was situated next to the couch.

“I usually watch crime shows.”

“Crime shows?”

“Mostly true crime. Which Bones says it's crazy to watch by myself in the middle of nowhere.” Jim grinned. “He’s probably right.”

“Do you enjoy living by yourself?” Spock wondered.

“Enjoy? Um. Not really. Do I mind? I guess not.” Jim shrugged. “I guess being by yourself there’s no one to disappoint, you know?” He stopped on a channel. “Ah, here we go. Dateline Mysteries.”

An hour later, Spock declared, “The title of that program was misleading, Jim.”

Jim smiled. “How so?”

“It was clear from the beginning that her husband was her murderer.”

Jim nodded. “It’s always the spouse. Or the significant other.”

“Why watch it if the outcome is always the same?”

“Because the crimes itself are different.” Jim yawned and shut off the television. “I think I’m going to go to bed. I’ll show you up to yours if you want. Do you need something to sleep in? Like pajamas or something?”

“Only if you have something to spare.”

Jim rose from the couch and headed for his bedroom with Spock on his heels. “I don’t really wear anything to bed, so I’ve got something you can wear. Bones has given me pajamas as gifts the last couple of Christmases.” He went into a dresser drawer and pulled out pajama pants and a love-sleeved shirt of the same plaid pattern.

Spock picked up a picture of a blond haired toddler. “This is your son?”

Jim stepped close and stared at the picture. “Yeah. Yeah that’s him.” He frowned.

“What is it, Jim?”

“I can barely remember him. It’s funny. It’s like…he’s fading away. Or my memory of him is.” Jim shook his head. “Weird.”

“Perhaps you should contact his mother and arrange to see him?”

Jim licked his lips. “Yeah. Good idea.” He held out the pajamas for Spock. “Here you go. And let’s take you up to a room.”

They went up the creaking stairs to the second floor and Jim chose the very first room to the right. “I’ll need to get you some sheets and blankets, hang on.”

A moment later Jim returned with a pile of sheets and blankets and towels. “The bathroom is right next door and there’s shampoo and conditioner in the shower. You want me to make up your bed?”

“No, I will do it,” Spock replied. “I intend to meditate before retiring anyway.”

“Meditate? Oh.” Jim nodded. “Are you like a Buddhist?”

Spock inclined his head. “I am a scientist.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, uh, goodnight then.” Jim went to turn away, but he stopped in the doorway. “I lock my bedroom door and I have a shotgun in my room.”

Spock arched his brow.

Jim grinned. “You know, in case you really are psycho or something.”

Spock smiled very slightly. “Very well. However, I am not psycho or something.”

“Good. Night, Spock.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”


	6. Cracks

“Bones is busy at the moment,” Jim informed Spock as they drove into Riverside. “We’ll stop by his clinic after we have some lunch.”

“I assure you, Jim, I do not need a doctor,” Spock tried again. There were things Spock could still not recall, not specifically, but he was very cognizant of the fact that he was not human. At least not fully. And an examination by a human doctor would open Spock to a lot that he did not wish to endure. Humans did not take well to those that were not like them. Especially in this time, which Spock guessed to be somewhere in the twenty-first century. He did not wish to end up in some secret governmental lab being experimented on.

“Yeah, I know. But, it won’t hurt to go see him.” Jim pulled his truck into a parking lot for an establishment called Joe’s Bar and Grill and parked his truck. “Don’t worry, they have vegetables.”

Spock arched a brow. “I was not worried.”

Jim grinned and Spock’s heart seemed to skip a beat. His gaze went to Jim’s lips. And suddenly Spock was hit with an image of himself holding Jim down on a bed, their hands clasped together as Spock devoured Jim’s mouth.

“Spock? Earth to Spock. You in there, buddy?”

Spock dug his fingers into his trousers. “Yes, yes, I am here.”

“You okay? You sort of spaced just then.”

“I am well.”

“Okay, good. Let’s go in. I’m starved.” Jim opened the driver’s side door and got out, so Spock followed.

Jim openly flirted with the hostess that sat them in a booth in a dark corner. Her name had been, Jasmine, and she seemed quite familiar with Jim.

As she stepped away, Spock asked, “A paramour?”

Jim choked on the water he had just taken a sip of. “A-a what?”

“Someone you have engaged in sexual intimacy with.”

Jim blinked rapidly several times in a row. “Um. Well. I’m not sure how to answer that.”

“Honestly?”

Jim laughed. “Sure. But really, I don’t think it’s exactly your business.”

Spock gazed down at his menu. “I apologize.”

There was a heavy sigh from across the table but Spock didn’t look up.

“It’s okay, you know. You can ask me anything.”

Now Spock did look up. “Apparently not.”

“And I totally deserve that. Sorry. I was just…startled. I’m not used to being asked stuff like that, I guess.”

“You do not have a lot of friends?”

“Sure, I have…” Jim frowned. “No. I don’t. There’s Bones.” He shook his head. “Anyway, Jasmine, she’s not a lover. Not mine anyway. My brother once dated her. Before his wife.”

The waitress arrived and Jim ordered a burger and fries— which Spock thought odd considering he’d eaten the same thing the night before—and Spock ordered a salad.

“What were your parents like?” Spock asked.

“Oh. They were great.” Jim nodded. “Great. George and Winona Kirk. That’s what their names were. It was great knowing my father.”

“And not your mother?”

“Her, too.”

There was…something. Spock could almost think of it. But it was floating on the edge. “How did they die?”

“Huh?”

“How did your parents die, Jim?”

“Die?” Jim looked down at the table in front of him. He picked up his utensils and began to play with them.

“You did say they passed away.”

“Yeah. They…Frank was—”

“Who is Frank?”

Jim lifted his gaze to Spock’s. “Frank? I don’t know anyone named Frank. My parents died in an accident. George and Winona. _George_.”

Spock could see that Jim was becoming agitated. And he knew he should know why.   

“He was a great dad. Always there for me.”

“That is good, Jim,” Spock said quietly.

“He was,” Jim insisted. “The best. We’d play ball together. And he used to tell me stories about how he met my mom. And he was there. He was. The best.”

“I am glad.” Spock changed the subject. “You’ve lived in Riverside all your life?”

“No. I went to San Francisco. Remember? I told you.”

“Yes. Where you met Carol.”

Jim looked away. “Right. Carol.” He licked his lips. He smiled and returned his gaze to Spock. “Maybe after we see Bones we could go get you some clothes.”

“What I have is probably sufficient.”

Jim scoffed at that. “You only have one pair of pants. We’ll get you something. I’ll get you all set up so you’ll be good for a long time here when it gets cold and all.”

“Very well,” Spock agreed.

_A long time here._

But they could not be there a long time. This he knew. He was here because…but it eluded him.


	7. The Mysterious Not Quite Bones

“This is my friend, Bones. Bones, this is Spock.”

Spock could not shake the feeling that this was not at all “Bones”. The man at the medical clinic looked like the man Spock knew was called “Bones”, though how he knew him he could not say, but this man in front of Spock and Jim right then was not who Jim insisted he was. It was perplexing.

Bones, Dr. Leonard McCoy, eyed Spock suspiciously. “A drifter?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know. But anyway, I just wanted you to meet him.”

“All right. Well, memory loss, huh? I guess we should get started on the exam.”

Spock opened his mouth to protest.

“Nah, no exam, Bones. He’s one of those Christian Scientists.”

“A what now?”

“You know the ones who don’t want anything to do with modern medicine or whatever.”

“Humpf.”

Spock did not correct their misconception since it was to his benefit.

“Anyway, I think he’s okay,” Jim continued, glancing at Spock. “He doesn’t seem to be in any pain or whatever.”

“Except he can’t remember why he showed up in your cornfield,” Bones pointed out.

“Isn’t most amnesia temporary?”

“Maybe.” Bones pulled Jim aside but because of Spock’s hearing he could still hear the conversation. “Listen, Jim, are you sure this guy’s not dangerous?”

“Dangerous?” Jim frowned.

“Doesn’t he look…well, funny…to you?”

“Funny?”

“He doesn’t look like us, Jim.” Bones glanced over at Spock. “He doesn’t belong here. You should send him away.”

Jim shook his head. “He doesn’t have anywhere to go, Bones. He’s not dangerous. He’s had plenty of time to murder me if that was his intention. I think those Scientists are pacifists anyway.”

“Jim—”

“Everything’s fine, Bones.” Jim patted Bones’ arm and smiled. “But if we’re going to go shopping for some clothes for Spock, we need to be going.”

“Okay. But I’m going to check on you later.”

“Sure, sure, whatever. Come on, Spock.”

Spock followed Jim out of the medical clinic, grateful to be departing, but he knew the man Jim was calling Bones was watching him the whole way.

****

“Your friend does not like me,” Spock said as they headed back to the farmhouse after choosing two pairs of slacks for Spock and three more shirts. As well as underwear. Jim had insisted Spock needed more underwear.

“He doesn’t like anyone.”

“He likes you.”

“Well. Yeah.” Jim grinned.

“Where did you meet Bones?”

“On the transport.”

Spock arched a brow. “The transport?”

“The train,” Jim said rather quickly. “The train.” He pulled the truck into the barn. “Here we are. Home sweet home.”

They went into the farmhouse and Jim went right to the kitchen to fill the teakettle with water.

“Did we get enough clothes for you?”

“More than enough,” Spock replied. “All the shirts you chose for me were blue.”

Jim smiled. “I told you before you look good in blue.”

“And you should wear gold.”

Jim laughed. “Gold? I’m not much into jewelry.”

“I mean a golden shirt,” Spock told him. “It is appropriate for you.” And it was. He got a flash of Jim wearing a gold shirt with braids at the sleeves. He tried to hang on to the flash, bring it to further clarity but it was gone as fast as it entered his mind.

“Probably would clash with my hair. Tea?”

“Please.”

Jim set about fixing the tea. “I guess if you’re going to be here for a while we should probably see about getting you a job. You do have a social security number, right?”

“Social security?”

Jim sighed and shook his head. “You really are strange, aren’t you? You aren’t from the US, huh?”

“I am not.”

“You’ll need a green card or something then. You here illegally?”

Spock blinked. “I am uncertain.”

Jim handed him the mug of tea and Spock took a sip. “Do you speak another language?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah? What? Like Spanish? German? French?”

Spock hesitated. “Vulcan.”

Jim laughed. “Vulcan? Well, that’s one I haven’t heard of.”

But Spock knew that Jim did know Vulcan. Spoke it very well, actually. And he was uncertain how he knew it, but he did.

He took a step closer to Jim, his gaze on Jim’s lips. Those lips belonged to Spock. They’d been intimate. Spock knew that. They were lovers. Perhaps something more.

Jim stared at him intently, licked his lips. When Spock lowered his head, getting closer still to Jim, Jim’s eyes widened. Their lips were suddenly very close. Spock felt Jim’s hot breath brush across his face.

Then something changed in Jim’s expression, something Spock couldn’t quite get, and Jim was backing up.

“Hey, hey. I’m not gay or anything.” Jim’s held his hands up, palms up. “So, um…just so you know.”

Spock nodded. “I see.”

“No offense.”

“None taken.”

The tongue darted out to lick his lips again and then Jim turned away. “Are you cold? I could start a fire.”

Spock was in turmoil. Wondering just why he desperately wanted Jim and needed to take him away from this place. But it seemed like he was fighting a losing battle.

“Spock?”

“If you do not mind, Jim. I wish to go to my room for meditation.”

“Oh. Okay. Sure.”

Spock nodded again and took his leave. Somehow, he did not know how, but somehow, Spock knew that Jim was his husband. And this-this place-was wrong.  


	8. The Blizzard

Jim gazed out the kitchen window as snow began to fall. He frowned. When they had returned earlier there had been no indication of a coming snowstorm. It was cold but clear.

If it snowed all night he wouldn’t have any customers wanting to bring their cars out to him to be fixed. He actually couldn’t remember the last car he’d fixed which was weird. His memory seemed to be fuzzy on a lot of things and it coincided with the arrival of the strange man upstairs.

He wasn’t sure why he’d told Spock he didn’t like men sexually. It wasn’t true. Jim knew he’d been with men before. Though he couldn’t remember with who recently. For that matter who couldn’t remember a woman he’d been with recently. And he certainly thought Spock was cute. But he’d known Spock was going to kiss him and he couldn’t allow that.

Spock _was_ dangerous. Bones was right and Jim needed to make him leave. He likely wasn’t even legal and what the hell was Vulcan anyway?

If Jim had a brain in his head he’d make Spock leave. In the morning. Yes, that’s exactly what he should do. Spock didn’t belong here.

Determined, Jim glanced up at the ceiling. He’d go and tell Spock now that he had to go. To move on. Find another town other than Riverside to hang out in.

Jim took several steps to the staircase and by the time he made it there the wind outside had picked up and become fearsome. Biting his lip, he turned to look back at the window and saw that it was snowing heavily and blowing fiercely. Spock wouldn’t be able to leave in that.

And…Jim didn’t want him to leave. He felt this excruciating pain in his heart when he thought of Spock leaving. It had come on all of a sudden. He rubbed his chest.

It was cold. Spock might need more blankets.

Jim went up the stairs and down the hall to Spock’s room. Only…Spock wasn’t there. He frowned. Turned around in the hallway. The door to Spock’s room, the one Jim had given him, was on the opposite side of the house. But earlier it had been the first door on the right. He must have remembered wrong or he was going crazy.

He went to the correct door and opened it. “Spock?”

Spock was seated cross-legged on the floor surrounded by candles.

“What the hell? You aren’t doing Voodoo or something, are you?” Jim demanded.

Spock opened his eyes. “I am meditating, Jim.”

“Oh.” Jim rubbed his arms. “It’s freezing in here. Actually, that’s why I came. Sorry for the interruption.”

Spock inclined his head and got to his feet, carefully extinguishing the candles. “It is of no consequence. It offered little in the way of answers anyway.”

“It started to snow. Like a blizzard.”

Spock frowned. “Were they predicting such a storm?”

“Not that I remember.” Jim found himself moving forward and he didn’t even know why but he was suddenly standing very close to Spock again, like in his personal space. He half expected Spock to step back but the man did not. “No one’s going anywhere tomorrow with a storm like this.”

“Were you planning on going somewhere, Jim?”

“No. But no one will be bringing me their cars to fix. And you and I are basically stuck here. Could be days.”

“That is…unfortunate.”

“Is it? Did you want to go somewhere, Spock?”

Spock let out a long breath. “I do not think it is wise to linger here.”

They were practically chest to chest now and Jim knew it was him who moved to Spock. “Where would you go if you could leave?”

“Home,” Spock said softly.

“Where is home?”

Spock did not answer, only stared at Jim.

“Vulcan? Is it Vulcan?”

Spock’s dark eyes became so sad Jim’s heart clenched. “There is no Vulcan. Not now.”

Jim touched Spock’s jaw with his fingertips. Spock did not move away. “What happened to it?”

“It was destroyed.”

“Like a war?”

Spock blinked, swallowed. “I do not know. It is hard to…recollect.”

Jim knew he should stop touching Spock. He definitely shouldn’t kiss him. And yet…his lips were on Spock’s before he could think better of it. Really.

It was so familiar kissing Spock. Like he’d done it hundreds of times. And yet it was new. So tantalizing. So wanted.

He put his arms around Spock’s neck, desperate to be closer. Aching for it to be so.     

“Maybe that’s because you aren’t meant to remember,” Jim murmured, continuing to kiss Spock. He had very kissable lips, this strange man who called himself…what? A Vulcan.

“You think not?” Spock was breathless. He closed his eyes as Jim continued to invade his space, kiss him. He pushed Spock toward the bed and when Spock went down, on his back, Jim found himself straddling him, leaning down to continue their kissing.

Strong hands found his ass, squeezed the cheeks through his jeans and Jim found himself getting impossibly hard, his cock straining against his zipper.

“Why don’t you just forget all that and stay here with me?” Jim asked, his tongue darting out to trace Spock’s lips. “You don’t need any of that. You only need me, Spock. Only me.”

Spock’s pupils were blown wide, his skin flushed a delicate green. “Only you,” he repeated softly.

Jim felt Spock tug off his shirt and toss it across the room. Hands slid across his chest, thumbs grazing his nipples.

“Oh, God,” Jim moaned. His own hands reached for the shirt Spock wore, it was keeping all that bare skin from Jim, and he yanked it off, just leaving it discarded on the bed. “You’re beautiful.”

“Jim—”

“No, it’s okay, Spock. Forget everything else and just feel with me. _Feel_.”

Jim rose enough to reach for the fastenings of Spock’s pants. He undid the button and then lowered the zipper. All the while Spock watched him. He reached his hand inside to pull Spock’s hard cock from out of his briefs. It was slick and hard like steel. Spock gasped as Jim curled his fingers around it, sliding his hand up and down the length.

“Let me take care of you,” Jim whispered. “You don’t need anyone-anything-else. Just you and I. Together.”

He scooted down to align his mouth with Spock’s cock and he grinned when he saw Spock’s eyes widen.

“Oh, yeah, baby, gonna make you come down my throat,” Jim promised. He closed his mouth around the double-ridged tip of Spock’s dick and began to swallow him down.

Spock’s fingers scrambled for purchase in Jim’s hair as he bucked into Jim’s mouth. “Jim, t’hy’la,” he cried out, his voice rough.

Jim swallowed him deep, taking him as far down his throat as he could manage without gagging. Spock’s musk was strangely spicy but very appealing. Spock’s thighs trembled beneath him. He knew just seconds before Spock found his release and poured down his throat. There was just the change in breath, a hitch in the moan, and then Spock was screaming Jim’s name hoarsely as he came.

Finally when he could wring no further spunk from Spock’s now flaccid dick, Jim released him with a sort of slurping poppy sound. He grinned triumphantly at the man he’d just made scream his lungs out.

He was grabbed suddenly, hauled to Spock’s side, and thoroughly kissed even as Spock’s hand went to Jim’s jean covered cock. He was squeezed, pulled through the material, until he was panting helplessly against Spock’s lips. He clung to Spock, gasping against his throat, hot and wet.

“Yes, God, yes,” he groaned. He exploded in his jeans, coming with an intensity he could not remember feeling in a long time.

Jim felt himself drifting, his eyes closing, as he lay spooned with Spock.

“Jim?”

“Unh?”

“I think you are in fact…gay.”

He laughed, snuggling closer. “Well, yeah, I guess so. For you anyway.”

“Is it really snowing?”

“Oh, yeah. Crazy. We’ll be stuck here for days.” Jim smiled and grasped Spock’s jaw, kissing his mouth thoroughly. “But that’s not so bad, right? Don’t you want to stay with me?”

Spock closed his eyes and returned the kiss. “Always.”


	9. Intimacy

Spock woke with a very naked Jim plastered to his back. He expected the bedroom to feel freezing cold given the storm Jim had said was raging outside, but it was like heat was on in the room, at a temperature more suited to his own preferences. When he’d come to meditate the night before it had been rather chilly. But that chill was gone and replaced by delicious warmth.

Though Spock knew morning had come, the room was still bathed in mostly darkness.

“Mm. Morning.” Jim stirred, scooting closer still to Spock. So close that his erection pressed against Spock’s backside. His own penis rose painfully hard in response.

“Jim?”

A kiss was placed on his upper back just below his neck. “Mm.”

“Did you put the heat on?”

“Must have,” Jim murmured. His hand slipped around Spock’s body to land just at the curl of hair at the juncture of Spock’s thighs.

Jim was distracting him far too much for Spock to ask any more questions and he turned in Jim’s arms to face him. He placed his lips on Jim’s in a gentle kiss.

“Now that’s a better greeting,” Jim said with a soft smile. His hair was mussed, his skin flushed slightly pink. He was beautiful and perfect like this and so desirable Spock didn’t think he could resist having Jim if a Klingon cruiser flew by.

_Klingons?_

“What’s a Klingon?” Jim asked, licking the outline of Spock’s lips.

But the knowledge had been a fleeting flash and just like that when Spock tried to bring it forth once more it faded away.

“I have no idea,” Spock replied, sucking Jim’s tongue into his mouth, rewarded by Jim’s low groan.

Jim’s hands were all over him, and it was then that Spock realized he was as nude as Jim, though he didn’t recall removing all of his clothes the night before. Perhaps Jim had divested both of them of their clothes. It mattered not, for it meant less steps before he could be inside Jim, taking what belonged to him.

Spock rose above Jim, grasping both of Jim’s wrists and holding them high above his head as Spock devoured Jim’s willing mouth. He was suddenly ravenous for this man. More hungry for Jim than he had ever been for anyone.

He scrambled for some lubricant he found conveniently nearby and slicked his fingers with it before using his free hand to push two digits into Jim’s tight ass.

Jim whimpered and rose up, taking Spock’s fingers eagerly within himself and struggling a little against the restraint of Spock’s hold.

Spock continued his assault on Jim’s mouth, biting and sucking Jim’s lips and tongue until Jim cried out in pain and shock but he didn’t move away, and in fact kept coming back for more, teasing Spock with his tongue darting out to touch Spock’s lips and chin.

He added a third finger inside Jim, pushing and stretching the moaning man beneath him, who was clearly as eager as Spock was to join them.

“Spock, oh, Spock, please, please,” Jim begged, arching into Spock’s questing fingers, his lips swollen from Spock’s assault.

He released Jim’s wrists long enough to position himself between Jim’s muscular thighs. He lifted them up, hiking Jim’s legs in the air, and was pleased when Jim crossed them at the ankle, pulling Spock closer still.

“Yes, God, yes,” Jim said raggedly. “Fuck me. Hard.”

As though he could—would—do anything else. His cock was aching with the need to possess this man, this human, blond and blue-eyed and beautiful. Spock pushed in to Jim’s hole, feeling only a slight resistance before Jim gave way and relaxed enough to allow Spock to be fully embedded in him.

Jim urged him on with a tilt of his hips and ass upward, and Spock pistoned in deep, thrusting as hard as Jim had demanded. Sweat beaded on Jim’s forehead and upper lip making him even more desirable to Spock. He plunged in again and again, watching Jim’s pupils absorb the blue, to all but disappear.

Jim flung back his head and his hand reached for his own erection, sliding long, callused fingers over his cock, tugging hard. Panted breaths filled the room as Spock was vaguely aware of the wind picking up outside.

Spock wanted to spend an eternity like this, joined with Jim, experienced orgasm after orgasm, never rising from this bed, never having anything but this man beneath him, writhing and keening for more.

But his release came upon him with absolute force of will until he was pumping so fast and deep in Jim he might never be able to get out again. But he came, growling and scratching and clawing, with an almost primal fierceness that tore him asunder and left him undone.

Jim matched him with a scream torn from somewhere deep as he stroked himself into splattered oblivion.

****

When Spock became aware again, Jim was no longer beside him, but standing next to the window, looking out. Jim’s hair was damp and he was dressed in jeans and a long sleeved pullover sweater that seemed to cling to his taut, gorgeous body. Spock swallowed back his renewed desire.

“The storm?”

“Yeah, it’s nuts out there. Snowing and snowing. Wonder how long it will last.”

Spock sat up. “I wonder how long it’s _supposed_ to last. Are there reports?”

“No idea. The cable is out. So no television. Internet is out too. I’ve got a radio around here somewhere, but honestly I forget where.” Jim turned away from the window to face Spock with a smile. “Looks like we’re stuck with just each other for the foreseeable future. Luckily I know of a way we can pass the time.”

Spock found himself smiling in spite of himself. “Perhaps sustenance would be welcome before further occupying ourselves in this manner.”

Jim looked at him quizzically. “Does that mean we should eat first?”

“Yes.”

Jim laughed. “You definitely have a funny way of speaking. Why don’t you get a shower and I’ll rustle us up some grub in the kitchen.”

“And you say I have a funny way of speaking.” Spock rose out of the bed. “I will be down shortly.”

Jim smiled and nodded. “Okay. See you, sweetheart.” He winked and left Spock’s room.

A memory suddenly came to surface. Jim, wearing a gold shirt, grabbing the collar of Spock’s blue shirt, kissing him deeply, then saying, “See you, sweetheart” just as he’d done just now. It caused an ache in his side. Spock rubbed the ache, wondering about it. Human’s hearts were in their chest, but Vulcans—

But no, was that right? Yes. He was different. That was why Jim’s doctor friend couldn’t examine him. Spock shook himself. He grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower.

****

When Spock made it downstairs, Jim was at the stove making breakfast. His back was to Spock and for some reason, rather than go immediately into the kitchen, Spock turned and went into the bedroom that Jim had that was on the other side of the stairs. He hadn’t been in there since the first day of his arrival and yet he was drawn there.

Spock stepped over to the framed photo Jim kept on his dresser. He had just picked it up when—

“Hey.”

Spock did not startle easily and this was no exception. He turned toward Jim holding the photo. “Was this not a photograph of your son?”

Jim frowned. “Son?” He took the picture from Spock and shook his head. “That’s of me and my mom.”

Indeed it was a different picture then before.

“What happened to your picture of your son, David?”

“I don’t have a son.”

“With Carol Marcus?”

Jim put the picture back on the dresser. “Are you okay? I don’t know any Carol Marcus and I don’t have a son.”

That was right. Jim did not have a son with Carol Marcus. That was from—that was another—

“Spock?”

“It is nothing, Jim. I was just remembering something from another time.”

Jim smiled. “Breakfast is almost ready. Listen, do you want to move your things in here? This room is bigger and warmer than the one upstairs anyway.” Jim flushed. “That is…if you want to. You don’t have—”

Spock stopped him with fingers on Jim’s lips. “I will move my things.”

Jim grinned. “Great. Come on. I have tea made for you.”


	10. Interference

He stared out at the falling snow, seeming to be an endless blanket surrounding his home, the yard, the barn. Jim could not recall a storm like this.

But then…his memory was getting a little fuzzy.

Eventually, when it stopped, they would have to go into town and get more food. Only…they seemed to have plenty of food. Jim checked just after breakfast and they didn’t seem to need anything. They had coffee, tea, cream, vegetables, even meat in abundance. That would run out eventually.

He should trudge out and get more firewood but really they weren’t very low on that either.

It was cozy here. With Spock. He didn’t really need anyone else. Hadn’t really had anyone else. Not in a long time. He wasn’t even sure who his friends were here in Riverside anymore. There was-why couldn’t he remember that? He should be able to, shouldn’t he?

“Jim?”

Spock stepped up behind him as he stared out the back window, wrapping his arms around Jim’s waist and drawing him close. Jim wondered when Spock became so important. At first it had been strange having him here. He was used to being alone. But now, he didn’t have to be and that was good.

“You are deep in thought.”

“Do you miss your other life, Spock?” Jim asked softly.

Spock tensed as he kissed the side of Jim’s neck. “Why do you ask?”

“It just…you’d think you would. Sometimes you talk of strange things. Like Starfleet and Vulcan and Klingons. What is all that?”

“You do not know?”

“No.” Jim frowned. “But sometimes it’s like an echo in my brain. Like…I don’t know.”

“We need to leave here,” Spock said suddenly. “We should not linger here. It is bad.”

“The storm.” Jim shook his head. “Maybe after. Where would we go?” But even as he asked he was filled with terrible dread. A deep hollow feeling encompassed his chest.  

“I do not know. But this is not right.”

Jim closed his eyes, swallowed, then turned into Spock’s arms. “I can’t leave here, Spock. I don’t know anywhere else. Riverside is where I belong.”

Spock pulled him close, buried his face in Jim’s neck. “I do not want to leave you.”

“Then stay here with me. Stop talking about leaving. We belong here. Together.”

“We do belong together, t’hy’la.”

Jim pulled back to look at him quizzically. “What is that? That word? You spoke it before when we were upstairs.”

“It is a Vulcan word,” Spock told him. “It is difficult to translate into standard.”

“Standard?”

“English is what I meant.”

“Well, can you give me some idea? Is it an endearment?”

“Not precisely. It is…a soulmate. But infinitely more.”

Jim smiled, touching his fingers to Spock’s face. “More than a soulmate? That’s pretty big.”

“It is what we are.”

Jim was aware he was shaking but there was little he seemed to be able to do to stop it. He was cold suddenly. Very cold.

“You are shivering,” Spock said, pulling him in close again. “Do my words disturb you?”

“No. I just…I have these memories and I can just barely touch them and then they are pulled away,” Jim admitted. “It’s disorienting.”

Spock kissed him. “I-I will let no harm come to you ever again.”

“Again?” Jim laughed. “When did I come to harm?”

Spock abruptly released him and turned away.

“Spock?”

“I do not know.”

Jim took a step forward, ignoring the storm outside now. “Spock? When did I come to harm?”

“I did not mean that.”

“Did-did you and I know each other before?” Jim licked his lips. “In your other life? Wherever it was you came from?”

“How could we have?”

“Spock, look at me.”

Spock turned to face Jim, but his dark eyes were wide with what Jim would guess was fear.

“What’s going on? What are you keeping from me?”

“There is nothing,” Spock whispered in denial. “You are perfect. We are perfect.”

Jim took another step forward when he was hit with a wave of dizziness. “Then why do I-sometimes I feel so strange.”

“Jim.” Spock came to him at once, grabbing his biceps. “Everything is fine. You are James Kirk. You live in Riverside at your farmhouse. It is the year 2016. You and I are sharing a life together.”

Jim licked his lips and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. We are. Yeah.”

Spock exhaled slowly, leaning against Jim. “All will be well, t’hy’la. I will not let anything happen to you. Never.”

“Okay, Spock. Okay.”

“I can make us lunch. If you would like to sit by the fire, I will bring you some coffee.”

Jim smiled. “All right. What are you going to make?”

“I will make you a hamburger. You like hamburgers.”

“I do, yeah. But what about you?”

“I will have steamed vegetables.”

“If you’re sure—”

“I am.” Spock nodded.

Jim turned to head toward the living room when a flash of…something…a memory-hit him.

He was wearing a gold shirt with some sort of stripes at the wrists and Spock wore a similar shirt only his was blue instead of gold.

_“Captain, I will go in your place,” Spock said._

_“There’s no need. It’s just routine. Nothing weird supposed to happen at all. Stop worrying. When I come back we’ll have that anniversary dinner.”_

_“Captain—”_

_Jim pulled Spock to him by the collar of his shirt and kissed him deeply. “See you, sweetheart.”_

“Spock?”

“Yes, Jim?”

“I-I just had a memory.”

“A memory?” Spock asked carefully.

“Yes.” He turned sharply to face Spock. “Only it wasn’t mine. It was yours.”  


	11. The Truth

“I cannot explain what you saw, Jim,” Spock said carefully.

“It was from you though, wasn’t it?” Jim’s face was scrunched in confusion.

Spock’s heart thundered in response. “Perhaps. But I do not recall the meaning.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded. “Then—” He suddenly swayed, turning very pale.

“Jim.” Spock grabbed Jim.

“So weird. I feel so strange.”

“No,” Spock protested. “No. I will not allow it.”

Jim’s eyes blinked at him. “Allow what?”

Spock drew in a shaky breath. “It is nothing. You should sit.” He pulled Jim over to the living room and gently pushed him to sit on the couch. Spock knelt in front of him. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah. Just…I don’t understand what’s happening. Why can’t I remember?”

“What do you remember, Jim?”

“I remember you coming here. Finding you in my field.”

“Yes.”

“You are from somewhere else.”

Spock exhaled. “Yes.”

“Riverside is my home. I work on cars in my barn. You and I are together.”

Spock took Jim’s hands in his. “Yes.”     

“But-when did that happen? Sometimes it feels like I’ve known you for a long time. That you and I have been connected in some way for longer than you have been here.”

Spock leaned up to kiss Jim deeply. “You are my heart. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

“That’s Vulcan, isn’t it?” Jim asked softly.

“Yes. It means I cherish you. Similar to I love you, and yet so much more. I want to be with you forever.”

“Spock, I can’t leave here.”

Spock swallowed heavily. “Then I will stay.”

Jim’s hand went up to cup Spock’s jaw. “I’m sorry.”

“What-what are you sorry for?”

“I have to take you out.”

“Take me out? No. No. No.”

Suddenly Spock found himself on his knees on the Enterprise, staring up at Leonard McCoy.

“What have you done?” Spock demanded. “What have you done? Send me back.”

“Spock, no, I can’t.” McCoy looked wholly sad and wrecked. “I had to bring you back.”

“No!” Spock stood and went to the controls on the wall. McCoy and Engineer Scott blocked him from it.

“No, Commander,” Scott said, holding up a phaser. “I’ll stun you if I have to.”

“I must get back to Jim,” Spock insisted.

“Spock,” Leonard McCoy said hoarsely. “Jim’s dead.”

“No.”

“Do you think I want to say that? Think that? But it’s true. Jim’s gone. It’s killing me. I would give anything, anything, in this life and next, if I could bring him back. I’d trade places. I’d sell my soul.” Leonard choked on his tears. “But he’s gone. We can’t get him back this time.”

Spock stared at him.

“It’s true, Mr. Spock,” Scott said. “He was killed on his last mission to the planet, M23.”

“It cannot be. It was an ordinary mission.”

“That’s what we thought. But it went bad.”

_“There’s no need. It’s just routine. Nothing weird supposed to happen at all. Stop worrying. When I come back we’ll have that anniversary dinner.”_

_“Captain—”_

_Jim pulled Spock to him by the collar of his shirt and kissed him deeply. “See you, sweetheart.”_

“No.” Spock shook his head. “I do not accept it.”

Leonard put his hand on Spock’s arm. “This-this holodeck program, this experimental shit they gave us, it’s not right. It’s malfunctioning. You can’t bring Jim back with it. That-that’s not Jim. It’s an illusion.”

Spock shook his head, swallowed.

“You can’t give up your life for a program, Spock. Jim wouldn’t want that. He loved you.”

“He is my bondmate.”

“Was, Spock,” Leonard whispered. “Jim is dead. You have to accept that.” He glanced to Scott. “Scotty and I have been trying to get you out of that program for days. You were stuck.”

“You kept changing elements of what I created,” Spock said, not even caring that his tone was accusatory.

“We had to get through to you, Spock. That’s not living. I don’t know what it is. But it’s not right.”

Spock straightened. “Perhaps you are right.”

Leonard’s eyes were wet. “I-I’m so sorry, Spock. I miss him too. So much.”

“We all do,” said Mr. Scott.

Spock shook his head. There was no comparison with any of them to what Spock felt. They could never know. Never.

He watched Leonard and Scott walk ahead of him away from the controls to the holodeck. Spock went to follow them and pinched them both on their necks. He watched them fall to the ground dispassionately.

He went to the controls and reprogrammed everything.

Jim was sitting on a swing on his porch. He stood when he spotted Spock coming up the pathway from the meadow. It was, Spock noted, a beautiful spring day.

“I thought you left,” Jim said softly. “I thought you left me and weren’t ever coming back."  

Spock stepped onto the porch and pulled Jim into his arms. He kissed Jim with all the passion he had ever felt and Jim kissed him back. He felt like Jim. Solid and wonderful. He tasted like Jim. He smelled of Jim. It was real.

“I will never leave you.”

Jim smiled, bright and like the sun. “Yeah?”

“Never,” Spock promised.

 

 Leonard staggered up, disoriented as he looked down at the still unconscious Scotty. “Spock?” But Spock wasn’t there. He stared with wide eyes at the controls for the holodeck program. What kind of crap was Starfleet making anyway? He went to it. Saw that the program marked, “Jim Kirk, Riverside, 2016” had terminated.

Leonard frowned. “Computer, locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is not on board the Enterprise.”

“There’s some mistake. Computer, locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is not on board the Enterprise.”

“That’s not possible, damn it!”

“Commander Spock is not on board the Enterprise.”

“Son of a bitch. You stupid hobgoblin!” Leonard buried his face in his hands. Both of them gone. Both of them.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went sort of Twilight Zoneish on this one. I could have gone on with Spock's illusion for a while, but I decided this was the time to end it. And yes, I did really kill Jim. For obvious reasons, I couldn't tag it.


End file.
